Psalm 118:24

"This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

tête-à-tête

Please sit down.
No, I mean it.
You look like you need to rest.

I’m sure your muscles ache (as you clutch for power).
I can see your eyes glazed over (confused and betrayed).

Just breathe.
Remember how I showed you?
Feel my hands on your face.
Just slow it all down.
It feels good, doesn’t it?
Like peace should.

Your color is coming back.

You know this isn’t what I have in mind for you.
I can tell that you remember that.
I promise there will be plenty of opportunities to work hard,
but I didn’t curse you with my love.
I gave you a gift.

Oh, now, shhhh.
Please don’t say you don’t deserve it.
These words will drip over you.
You’ll take them in like honey.

I just love you.
(It’s ok that you’re crying.)
I love you.
As you are today.
I just love you.
As you were in the womb.
Even as that tiny baby.
I love you.
As you’ll be on your deathbed.

You're enough-enough for me.

Do you feel better yet?
That’s peace.
Knowing that I love you.

Wintertime Annunciations

On Saturday afternoon I trotted out to my most treasured thinking spots at Shawnee Mission Park. Hat and gloves in tow, I gingerly stepped on the remnants of snow - most of it covered in ice, in some spots pristinely untouched by man or beast.

As I tried to keep my footing, my eyes, wide and searching, reveled in the frosty droplets God had deposited on the grounds.

That hour of reflection and snapshotting was bitterly cold. While the wind slapped my cheeks, the song “Refuge” rattled about my head, “When it's cold outside, there's no need to worry ‘cause I'm so warm inside. You give me peace when the storm's outside...”

Those words, the photographs I took, and the fat, rolling thoughts I later penned in my journal make me want to officially welcome winter.

Hello, friend. It's nice to have you back around.

****
















“You have fixed all the boundaries of the earth; you have made summer and winter.”
Psalms 74:17




"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
Josh Billings



"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
Albert Camus



"I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show."
Andrew Wyeth

















"It is a pleasure to the real lover of nature to give winter all the glory he can, for summer will make its own way and speak its own praises."
Dorothy Wordsworth

Praise Be.

I've been blown away by this blog (Daily Life in a Homeless Shelter) and I. AM. AWED. by this post (pasted in full and linked below).

The 'Following Jesus' Manifesto

1. Stop talking about Jesus. Just stop. If we loved the people around us half as much as we say we love Jesus the rest of this manifesto would be entirely redundant.
2. Live a secret life. Invest the time, effort and vulnerability necessary to delve deeply into the scripture and prayer. Spend long periods of time in stillness. There is no shortcut to this, there is no other way. Without a deep and secret life we soon find ourselves talking about Jesus instead of being like Jesus.
3. Stop pretending. I'm a Christian, and I suck. So do you. Let's get that out of the way, shall we?
4. Give more than you get. There will always be more than enough.
5. Be present for those around you. Following Jesus has nothing to do with your work, your resume or your income. In fact, nothing that matters does.
6. Treasure broken-ness. Our broken places are sacred spaces in our heart. Honour them. Value them. In doing so you love the unlovely, publicly declaring the beauty of God's image in everyone. Greet the broken with comfort and cool water.
7. Throw a party.
8. Know Jesus well enough to recognize him on the street. This is rather important, because he can always be found on the street - and he usually looks more like a pan-handler than a preacher.
9. Accept ingratitude and abuse as a fixed cost. Embrace them, and then go the extra mile.
10. If you follow Jesus, you will anger religious people. This is how you will know.

Readers, I am humbled. My hat is tipped. I wish I could have articulated my thoughts this well. This just DRIPS with Jesus and I'm going to tape it above my desk at work.

Today's Soundtrack: Spinning - Zero 7 - Simple Things

A birthday photography primer (or) Why my Dad rules at taking pictures

1. Camera position is key.












Just a little bit higher and this would've been gold...still i love that my Dad takes pictures of us with his arm extended out.

2. Solicit friends with working camera knowledge.












umm...we'll just call it "soft-lighting," I guess.


3. Maintain the same pose as the rest of your family.













Seriously, we didn't plan this. I guess the wine made our heads lean.


4. Insert amazing confectionary focal point.

















and full bellies and smiles will abound. Success!

A public discussion “emerges”

I’ve consumed plenty of books on theology and Christian living. I’ve read C.S. Lewis, Dorothy Day, Anne Lamott, NT Wright, Henri Nouwen, Donald Miller, Brian McLaren, Erwin McManus, Rob Bell…and I’ve got a whole list of other thinkers to get to in my lifetime.

In this group (especially the latter authors) I’m continually struck by how fresh, revolutionary and highly missional they can be. As a writer, I’m insanely jealous. As a disciple, I’m encouraged. They’ve been the Christian version of “get off your ass, Ally.”

These thinkers have shaped my view of God - perhaps as much as the Bible and any church sermon. They have amazing ideas about how big Christ should be (bigger than I knew). They delight in shaking loose any spiritual dead weight (condemning ideas) and watering to the fertile ground.

Though I was conscious of their ideological influence, I hadn’t thought too much about the “leaning” of their message. Were they “Evangelical?” “Methodist?” “Community Church-goers?” I guess I didn’t think of it because it was too confusing to figure out. They thought like me and that was cool. Frankly, after the way I’d seen Evangelical and Catholic churches work, I was just as happy to be non-identifiable. I liked that they made me look at Jesus in a different, more communal way.

I hadn’t given much thought about titles and leanings until I found this article in Christianity Today (which has been getting a lot of buzz on Christian blogs). It breaks down the emergent/emerging movement within Christianity.

If you’re confused, the article provides an overview of the term “Emergent” from two guys affiliated with it - Eddie Gibbs and Ryan Bolger (from Emerging Churches: Creating Christian Community in Postmodern Cultures):

Emerging churches are communities that practice the way of Jesus within
postmodern cultures. This definition encompasses nine practices. Emerging
churches (1) identify with the life of Jesus, (2) transform the secular realm,
and (3) live highly communal lives. Because of these three activities, they (4)
welcome the stranger, (5) serve with generosity, (6) participate as producers,
(7) create as created beings, (8) lead as a body, and (9) take part in spiritual
activities.”

Lots of technical stuff aside, some of the authors I’ve listed above and my pastor at Jacobs Well believe in to some of these ways or ideas about how to “do church.” Since I believe in the above practices and go to a church that does too, I guess I’m “Emergent.” It’s not a bad thing to be associated with, but I’m kind of let down.

For three years now, I’ve thrown my heart, soul, mind and guts into learning all that I could about Jesus and letting him transform me. Isn’t that enough? It is for me. It’s working out beautiful, miraculous things in my life.

Maybe it’s idealistic, but I would hope that other Christians are throwing themselves at their own faith this way. And if they are, then why do we waste time defining or criticizing the way we should do it?

I mean, I can’t worship or pray or sing or believe EXACTLY the same as anyone else…even if they are “emergent.” Ergo, the exercise of definition seems futile. Shouldn’t we “do church” the way we do it and let it be?

I don’t have any answers today. Just a lot of questions. After all, I’m still new at this whole gig and I’m sifting through it.

So I want to start a dialogue. Is this back and forth within the church strengthening us at all? How is it making Christ look to people who don’t believe? How is it enriching our faith and helping us serve?

Consider your thoughts solicited…

Update: Thank you to Marlies for the great article suggestion. McLaren nails how I feel. Especially with this sentiment:

"Those of us who see religion in a different light – who see religion as a
powerful motivation to care for the widow and orphan, to seek justice and peace,
to love our neighbors and our enemies – shouldn't feel superior, but we should
keep practicing, and preaching, with humility and focus. It's so easy to get
distracted, and a lot is at stake."

Road Trip!

This weekend I'm going to be all up in Minneapolis' business.

My parents are moving to Iowa City at the end of February, so this is my last hotel-free stay in the Great White North. I'm bringing my 2 BFF's, Kelli and Cass and we're planning to max out the fun. So far it has the makings of perfection:

- Journey up to the ultimate road mix (still under construction)
- Spend Saturday grabbing breakfast by the lake and walking through uptown
- Continue with a little shopping downtown with the Trish (my Mama)
- Gorge ourselves on a Saturday night dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant, Buona Sera
- AND (hopefully) fall asleep with a belly full of the best chocolate birthday cake EVER

It's gonna be grand.

I watch the sun as it comes up, I watch it as it sets...

...Yeah, this is as good as it gets.
Beautiful World - Colin Hay

I've had a revelation tonight. My chili's simmering, a Sierra Nevada is at my side and I've been playing this song on repeat for about a half hour as I tried to write something inspired. And...well, it's five starts later. Nothing.

I did puzzle for a bit, but then it finally hit me - I don't have writers block and there isn't anything I haven't said to those of you I do life with. Eureka! It's not bad that I don't have something to spit out!

The empty well persists because it's like this song says, "perhaps this is as good as it gets." I have nothing to say because my life is so rich that I'm having trouble dissecting it. More to the point, I think it's blasphemous to keep questioning all this blessing and not revel in it more.

It's because I'm living my life that I don't want to be writing about it.

You see, God is using the best parts of me IN the living out of my life. You know, those parts that get up and live out the everyday. Those parts that heal. Those pieces that love. They get used up on those of you that love me and hold me and support me. You're the ones who hear my posts. You're the ones who laugh with me and comment back.

So, if we haven't seen each other in a while, let's have coffee and catch up face to face. I'd really like that. As for this, I'm freeing up my burden. I'll pop in and out when the spirit moves me. Life is so much more magical when you hold it loosely anyhow.

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world."
Psalm 19:1-4

So, until we meet again...may you look up for a minute. May you see God in the heavens. May He hold you in the palm of His hand. Ergo, enjoy what you've got. Live life and BE love to someone who needs it. They're probably right in front of you.

"You're going to be 26? Well, you're just a baby...."

said one of my co-workers condescendingly. To which I responded like an adult - hands on my hips, bottom lip jutting out, "but...but...I know."

If only I'd found this bit of eloquence to counter him first.

“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.”

I always thought I was wise beyond my years, anyway.

My Songbook - Part 3

Going strong...I'm loving this.

I Believe (When I fall in love with you it will be forever) – Stevie Wonder
Album: Talking Book, Innervisions
*You can snag an MP3 of it here*

What moves me:
I used to think Stevie Wonder was about as revolutionary and exciting as The Partridge Family. Maybe it was too many overdubs of cheesy commercials with Isn’t She Lovely? in the background, but he just seemed SO outdated and stuck in the 70s.

Then one fateful day a buddy (who’s taste in music I respected) gave me a copy of this track. I hadn’t yet seen High Fidelity (which runs this song at the end), so I was able to render my own judgment.

This song is epic. The dreaminess at the beginning transcends decade, space and time. It takes a brilliant songwriter to achieve that, but I guess when you’re saying something true, it will always be timeless.

I believe that my grandchildren will love the purity of the lyrics. His words give voice to the covenant that we make to someone before marriage – the beautiful moment of realization when we commit to someone and say, I think this could become "it." I mean, "I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever," those words are so simple, yet so powerful, permanent, and filled with certainty.

The song builds up like an inspired church song. At the end, he leaves you bouncing up and down, spinning around, arms stretched out, praising God, testifying and celebrating. The last rounds of "God surely answered my prayer, God always will answer your prayers, Believe in one who will answer my prayer," are heavenly. This is a man who knows what he’s found and is praising God for this woman in his life. Just brilliant.

A perfect listen:

Driving to the grocery store or somewhere "normal." You're content, just doing the simpler parts of life with the person who you've been bursting to say this to. Casually flipping the dial (because who wants to listen to "Bad Day" again), this song happens to be playing. You look out the window thinking about it, maybe even muttering that it's a great song. They grab your hand and hold it, silently letting the song speak for both of you. You smile and give thanks to God all the while.

My Songbook - Part 2

A Long Walk – Jill Scott
Album: Who is Jill Scott? (Words and Sounds Vol. 1)

What moves me:
Jill Scott is fierce. Her voice is nimble, commanding and capable of gliding up and down scales to superhuman heights with ease. Since she’s a poet, the lyrics are what rivet me. In A Long Walk, it’s like she’s been listening in on my prayers - articulating the type of relationship that I’ve often prayed and hoped for – one filled with “conversation, verbal elation, stimulation.”

She expertly sets the scene for a leisurely stroll with someone you’d like to waste time with. The relaxed backbeat and synthesizers mimic her poetic cooing. Her voice sounds like a trumpet when she gets going at the end, “could roll a TREE, and listen to a symphoNEE, or maybe we could chill and just BE.”

A perfect listen:

…on a summer day when your heart is ready to hope in the future and believe in love again. To be truly surrounded by the song, I’d go to my favorite park, slip off my shoes and feel the soft grass beneath the pads of my feet. After walking for a minute or so, I’d settle down on a particularly cozy section in the middle of the park and flop down on my blanket. Sing along sweetly. Daydream. Pray for the song to be made manifest. Walk away from the afternoon full of optimism

My Songbook - Part 1

There’ve been a bit of back and forth in the comments section to my book post, and I just love it. Probably because it’s my own habit, I think it's fantastic when people suggest books or music. Their wisdom is like a secret handbook to the product. Commentary just makes things better.

Your thoughts made me remember that I love Nick Hornby. He’s the first male writer that helped me understand a male's perspective, all while still retaining the character's “manness.” Usually authors that achieve that sort of understanding tend to neuter a character’s qualities, making them androgynous and relatable.

It’s been too long since I picked up anything Hornby has written, so I started digging on Amazon to see what needed to make it to the top of my “to read” list. And there it was, practically glowing - 31 Songs (or Songbook in the US). It's the type of book I'd love to write.

The concept is simple – he wrote essays on 31 songs that he loves to pieces and begs you to adore them as well. As Hornby says:

"And mostly all I have to say about these songs is that I love them, and want to sing along to them, and force other people to listen to them, and get cross when these other people don't like them as much as I do."

So, I’m stealing his idea. I’ll knock these out one, two, however many at a time, whenever I feel like it, in no particular order.

****



1. Translanticism – Death Cab for Cutie
Album: Translanticism
*You can snag an MP3 of it here under "T"*

What moves me:

The vocals at the beginning drip softly like slow, light rain - the kind dry, scorched skin begs for. As he sings, “I need you so much closer…” my skin begins to tingle. My heart aches with each repeated pleading.

Just when he’s worked this lonely desperation up into a frenzy (because it’s impossible to hear those words and not ache for someone), I realize that the drums are propelling me forward. It’s the sort of feeling like cartwheeling through a flat parking lot – pace building subtly, dizziness setting in after a few turns.

At the end, a soft chorus rises above the din, “so come on…come on…” and I find myself echoing it from the deepest recesses of my heart, diaphragm flexed, pushing it out as hard as I can, “come on…”

A perfect listen:

At the end of one very long day, I turned off all my lights, lit a candle and laid width-wise across my bed, sighing heavily, ready to pray for peace. I’d cranked up this album and was feeling mighty sorry for myself. Pushing all my tense breath out, I pressed my head up hard against my window and arched my neck back, eyes looking up the panes of glass, just past the lip of my gutter and up, up, up forever. The world was literally flipped upside down. It was just as close to peace as I could find.

In a perfect convergence, this song crescendoed, swirling in harmony with the stars that perched above, twinkling in the midnight sky, cold, shivering and lonely, just as I was. For 30 minutes I kept hitting the replay button – willing the song to become endless, beckoning the stars and heaven closer to my bed.

Tell me a story…

I sometimes wonder why people love to read and/or write. I don’t buy that some people JUST ARE a reader or writer. Sure, natural inclination, genetics, conditioning and all that psychology and sociology factor in, but I think it’s so much simpler. I think people love to read or write because of moments that set them free.

When my brother and I were kids, we’d beg and plead for my parents to read us a story before we’d crash out for the night. We’d run down the hallway in our jammies and catapult onto their big bed, cozying together for storytime. Sometimes we’d be armed with a book, and sometimes my Dad would make something up on the spot. When we got older we’d talk about politics, religion or family - all on that big, safe bed, under the umbrella of “storytime.”

Looking back, I don’t remember much about the specifics of these nights, as numerous as the pages we flipped. But I’ll never forget the feeling – like anything was possible, the world was vast and life unending.

***

As usual, I’m pawing through about 4 books right now, absolutely sure I won’t finish all of them. Among them: a biography on Dorothy Day, founder of the Catholic Worker Movement; Nature and Other Essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson; The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard; and a book that’s reawakening my love of fiction, The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

I picked up Dostoevsky after reading about the impact Russian writers had on Dorothy Day. When she was a child growing up in Chicago, her strict father wouldn’t allow her to leave the house without supervision. As a result, she spent most of her time shut in her family’s library, enraptured by Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, learning about the plight of men enslaved in poverty. Day found identity and freedom in their words about a land half a world away.

When I crack the spine of this book, I feel like I’m lying on my parent’s bed again. Like life is unstoppable, vast and unending. I feel like I’m connected to this legendary woman. My eyes pass over the same words that enraptured her. My mind processes the same though changed her worldview. Through space and time and literature, I feel that I know her.

And that sets me free.

Today's Soundtrack: Magic in the Air - Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast

new year, new benediction, new adventure

As the untouched days stretch out before me I’m awed by the benevolence of God in a new calendar year.

The re-centering of our lives in an annual return back to the start is perfectly parallel with His nature. He makes all things new. Redeems everything. Gives second chances. Loves unconditionally. What a great King.

In all this awe I haven’t resolved anything, but I’m praying a benediction over the next year. May it be the “year of promise” - an adventure unlike anything I’ve yet discovered.

The thought is lofty (with a rather Kenya-tastic 2006 wrapped up) but my eyes are wide-open to the possibility of 363 fresh starts approaching each morning. What are we going to do this year, God? Run a half-marathon? Provide for a child? Maybe fall in love? Learn French?

Exact details aside, I know one thing: I will embrace all the opportunities that approach me and drain the marrow out of life’s bones. After all, as Thoreau said,

“Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life…Know your own bone: gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw at it still.”

Steadily chewing in the 2nd day of ‘07,
me

Today's Soundtrack: The New Year - Death Cab for Cutie - Translanticism