prayer

n: 'prer

1 a (1) : an address (as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought (2) : a set order of words used in praying b : an earnest request or wish

Merriam Webster let me down today. This definition is inadequate. I think God would be disappointed.

Growing up in the Catholic church, a prayer was something you repeated each Sunday at mass, yet didn't understand. Prayer was repetitive and obligatory.

My Grandpa Moore was diagnosed with cancer when I was in 4th grade. One night he fell out of bed while we were on a summer vacation. As I heard my Dad creep upstairs, and pick up his father, I prayed desperately. Prayer was an act of faith.

I got "born again" at 16 and said a 3-step prayer because I was afraid my Catholic, non-evangelical self was going to hell...not because I was seeking a God that would right my life. Prayer was my feet being held to the coals.

Staring at the love of my 18-year-old world in the face as he told me that he'd cheated on me, but was "man enough" to tell me, I prayed through sobs that stuck in my throat, during a primordial scream. Prayer was a breath, something as connected to me as a desperate cry.

In college, I found freedom in friends that were vibrant, involved, and caring. I met sorority sisters with Samsonite-quality baggage as well as breezy, effortless confidence. Prayer was thanksgiving for a support system, and a family when mine wasn't there every day. It was freedom.

I found a man that made me laugh and cry and taught me how to be tough and strive for something. For four years, prayer was a private expression of this love.

Days before I graduated, in a place of desperation, I re-found God, reaching out for the Jesus that I knew existed: loving, kind, and active. He held me in his hand, and gave me courage to let him love me back. Prayer was love and redemption. It was truly being known.

Journeying to Kansas City, working for a PR Firm, I found solace in myself, a new life and Rob Bell sermons. Prayer was a multitude of new gifts, a purpose, faith, and comfort.

Traveling for business and pleasure, I met strangers, saw new cities, ate strange food and found my way around many a bustling metropolis. Prayer was a blessing - freshness, nature, and stimulation.

I found someone with freckles that matched mine perfectly, and later came to terms with the fact that timing is everything. Sometimes it's not love's time, no matter how much you wish it so, or how much it breaks your heart. Prayer was devastation, reality, and bliss in one explosive moment.

The wind shifted and blew me somewhere new. Emboldened by this recent assertiveness and the beginning stages of understanding my purpose, I began making sweeping life changes a year or so ago. Prayer was taking a new step each day, and being conscious of who directed them.

I fell in love with a continent I'd never seen. Educating myself about Africa, I've undertaken the single biggest challenge and joy of my life. Prayer was/is completely letting God control everything...getting on my knees, weeping and trusting.

Now, with almost the full trip cost raised (within spitting distance) it's about goodness. I've danced around my apartment after each check has come in, each person supported or volunteered, Upendo completed, and people have comforted me. Prayer has become an expression of praise. It's compulsory, realizing, and thankful.

In my lifetime, prayer has been a multitude of things so much more complex than simply kneeling in a pew or beside your bed...but it can be those things too.

It's so much more than repetition, but I belive that when you know nothing else than those words, God must love and treasure them as much as an intimate dialogue. As a parent, he must treasure a quick call just to check in as much as a long weekend home and a trip to the museum.

I pray that no one ever tells you what a prayer has to be. That no one says to you "if it's not that, or these specific words, or this type of way, then don't bother." Because I think that must make God deeply sad when he's confined. The God of our universe is surely capable of being something unique to each uniquely created person.

Define it for yourself - Through your life, your breath, your experience. Seek new ways to break it outside of a box, not contain it within some inadequate Webster's definition.