Sayanora

I have less than an hour left at the Zoo, and it's a bittersweet moment. This place is beautiful and fantastic, and I learned so much last year creatively.

It is, however, time to move on.

But before I get to that, Mr. Man and I are taking a little road trip for some much needed relaxing and we're off this afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed for great weather and fun stories.

So to my Zoo buds, I'll miss you much. To the new folks I'll be working with...I'm coming your way!!!

selah, part 2

Some mornings I wake up and spend some time in prayer. When I do this, my day begins calmly. I feel an all-pervasive sense of peace through my spirit.

Monks and other devout followers of Christ are used to employing a daily set of readings to pause on the hour or throughout the day in set, reflective prayer over the scriptures. A helpful guide for me has been a book of daily prayers called The Divine Hours. This morning, I read this.

What caught my heart was the gospel reading:

Jesus taught us, saying: ‘And so I tell you this: use money, tainted as it is, to win you friends, and thus make sure that when it fails you, they will welcome you into eternal dwellings. Anyone who is trustworthy in little things is trustworthy in great; anyone who is dishonest in little things is dishonest in great. If then you are not trustworthy with money, that tainted thing, who will trust you with genuine riches? And if you are not trustworthy with what is not yours, who will give you what is your very own? No servant can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or be attached to the first and despise the second. You cannot be the slave of both God and of money.’
Luke 16:9–13

It gave me pause to think of how I spend my last days here at the Zoo. Will I be productive and good to these people, leaving them in good stead, or will I abandon the privilege to serve them? I make that decision several times a day and lately, I most often choose to abandon service for laziness. If God trusts me with the smallest details and compels me to handle them with duty and mercy, then I must do so. I was humbled.

Following this moment of reflection I turned on the TV to hear a commentator interviewed by Meredith Viera about Sarah Palin’s inconsistencies on her foreign policy record. When asked if he had a problem with her campaign asserting that she’s been to Iraq and Ireland (she’s been to Kuwait, and her plane LANDED in Ireland, so that was close enough for them), he said these were “small” details we shouldn't be concerned with.

My friends – are we really that sort of people? People who will not directly answer a question or will out and out deceive each other to win? I do not aspire to be that sort of person. I will not elect those sort of people to assist with our governance.

As I reflect upon yesterday’s post and the comments section, this is what I meant to convey.

Every day we make little choices about how to live with honor. The first way we demonstrate that is in our smallest behaviors. We further show our devotion to God by not being afraid of the truth, and speaking it.

I am not perfect. Barack Obama is not perfect. Sarah Palin is not perfect. But we must tell the truth. We must esteem and elect leaders who do the same.

selah...

"But I know that I'm your favorite
And I said "Amen"
Neko Case - Favorite

There’s been a lot floating around my noggin lately, so I felt like sharing.

First, the election. I just know that deep, deep down, I really believe in all that Barack Obama is about. He doesn’t lie, he’s held to his positions, and most importantly, we think pretty darn similarly about things. I do believe that people should vote for who they believe in, so it’s taking a lot of tongue-biting (as Ms. Lamott does far more eloquently) to understand why people are supporting McCain/Palin when there’s been so much lying as of late. I won’t snark about it, because lord knows enough commentators are doing that, but this sh*t isn’t bending the truth as politicians often do. It’s out and out lying, and Sir, Madam – I am offended that you think we’re too stupid to remember what you’ve said 2 days ago.

Regardless of whether you’ll vote for a man I think could revolutionize equality in this country through health care, economic stimulus and the general willingness to dialogue, I encourage EVERYONE to register to vote this year. Do it today. There's an easy to use tool on the Obama site that lets you check your status. I thought I was registered, and it turns out I wasn't. That would have sucked on Nov. 4.

Moving a bit closer to home, I’ve been tending my garden and life’s starting to yield some exciting fruit. My peeps already know this, but I just got a new job and I’m really excited! I’ll be staying in marketing and event coordination, but the pace will be easier to manage throughout the year than what I'm doing. My last day at the Zoo will be Sept. 26 and then I'm taking some much needed R&R with Mr. Man on a little road trip to Nashville by way of St. Louis and Memphis. Any travel suggestions are welcomed :)

The job gift is another example of how incomparably cool God is to Ms. Ally. We spent a medium amount of time talking on my front porch about this, but ultimately, I think we crossed an important threshold of conversation. The process worked like this: I know that He’s God and loves me. I roll forward excitedly in the new plan. The new plan doesn’t happen as quickly as I like. Freak and panic ensues. God provides and we move on. The threshold crossed: the old Ally would have freaked and panicked around 3 more times. Good show.

But wait, there’s more! Part of this job move and my front porch prayer time is an exciting new opportunity to return to school as soon as January. I’ve been swimming around in the idea of teaching high school English and there’s a program here that would let me pursue a master’s while simultaneously completing any undergrad requirements I would’ve needed. I’m just starting on this path, but after visiting my first classroom a week ago, I’m anxious to see where a little instruction could send my heart. It’d be about 3 years from now, but I get sort of giddy about the idea of reading Pablo Neruda with a 16 year old who just had her heart broken (Tonight I can Write the Saddest Lines).

So that's me. It's been a crazy summer and from what I can see, the fun doesn't slow down anytime soon. I'm trying to learn how to be still and find quality ways to rest in all that life brings. Things have changed a lot since I started writing this, and I hear that this is the way life goes.

The ride continues, dear readers. I hope you are all well and if you're around in KC, let's sit and have a Fall themed ale soon, shall we? You can find a way into my heart by sending congratulatory gifts of this. I'll even share.

Those who put their hope in you

I give up and You give in and meet me in the middle. You redeem me, pull me up and remind me that you care for all your creatures.

A secret: I long to possess a deeply abiding love that reaches out even when hurt. I ache to do good work. I am sick and need you to resurrect me from this lazy boredom. I'm still afraid deep down inside.

But your love, the truest, most selfless love is the answer to all of this. When I return to my heart and its deep pulsing, I return to the quiet truth - when it's not all about me, this life is technicolor. It's full of peace and grace and struggle and the real marrow of things. It's about community.

It's time. It's time to truly return - to let go of my frustration and lack of clarity, giving up on my selfish self for a minute or a day.

I hope today to be a primed canvas, a sharply listening ear, lips primed for prayer.

*chuckle*

I’ve never been good with patience or waiting things out. I wish I could say I felt bad about this, but that’s just not true. I suppose that the essence of a spirit that likes charging ahead is that it’s most comfortable with being in control. Quite simply, patience seems to be the antithesis of progress. Ergo, patience isn’t something I’ve wanted to “practice” in my free time.

I sort of figured that God in his divine beauty would be cool with this. Here’s the rub: God seems stubbornly convinced that I’m due a lesson.

As I’ve gotten quiet each day to talk through what to do about schoolandworkandmakingmoneyandtimingandloveandlifeand
successandwhatI'dbehappiestdoing

(breathe)

He speaks simply to me and gives little by way of answer except these whispers:

Trust in me.
Know that I provide for the lilies of the field.
Surely I’ve got something in mind for you.

My heart knows this. Each time we meet each other, I’m driven to tears by that truth. My head knows this. As I read verse after verse after verse to testify to it, I know it deep.

So why can I not learn it into behavior?

I think this may be the real test of our faith, the real building up of it. God simply tells us that he has it covered, and we are to wait. Faith is born. If this process happens enough over our lifetime, it works itself into our marrow. Maybe it works itself so deep that our head and heart no longer need reassurance. At that point, it is as natural as breathing to us.

I can only hope that this is the truth I walk towards as God and I tug and pull and tussle so. For the millionth time, I wait on the Lord. I have made such little progress as we’ve walked this road, save this: Today, I can laugh at it.

I laugh that we have been down this road so many times. I chuckle to think of the absurdity of a spirit’s reconviction and repentance. Each time it feels so novel and new and worked up. God must find this as hilarious as a child who tells the same joke over and over again. We will always return for the show. For His approval and guidance. And every time, he’ll laugh and clap and give us feedback.

So, laughably, I will wait on Him and keep moving forward. He is a God who shuts doors just as easily as He opens them. So I will stumble and laugh and keep going with my gut.