the church part 2

Thanks to all for the encouragement, feedback, etc. That's what makes this all so rich. We still don't have it figured out, but I thought I'd ruminate a bit to see where this new stuff settles.

I'm realizing what sort of power the church as community shouldn't have for me. Sometimes (and as Myles referenced) people leave churches...or friendships...or families for entirely too few reasons. They are proud or bruised or selfish or afraid. I've reached out harder and stuck through the pain to not be one of those people.

We were driving home from Thanksgiving when Mr. Man made a brilliant observation: We're not trying to leave this particular church. It just seems to be leaving us.

I'm reminded of all those moments in my early faith where people counseled me to reach out and rebuke some sort of sin in the people around me. To be sure, there's time for that, but I'll be damned if it's gonna come unsolicited from people I sort of know.

This would be dangerous if I didn't have anyone else, but that's what I've got my friends and family around me for. I've chosen to trust them and give them that sort of freedom to speak unto me. I also trust God pretty implcitly to do this. (He's got a damn loud voice.)

But I haven't given this churchy group of people, who though I like and respect, that sort of reach. It'd be one thing if I surrounded myself with yes men and women, but I haven't. (As those of you who know my girls can attest.)

I've chosen to surround myself with people who empower me and trust in my ability to make the right decisions. I've earned it after making some really bad ones, and working through some horrendous ones, I know the boundaries of a healthy life for myself.

But back to the issue of abandoning or sticking it out: Churches, and a lot of well-meaning people in them, have really bought into the idea that we need to stick and get beat up and wrestle with our "church." I know that Paul talks a lot about the body, but where is this Biblical idea that we're supposed to spend our lives in one community? We change and evolve and find natural reasons to go different places. Shouldn't our ultimate devotion be getting to find God?

If a good thing is the church as an ultimate testing ground, we can find it in other places too. We go to work and encounter lots of people who will give God plenty of space to push us. I'm just thinking that the main place you go to find him and be vulnerable shouldn't be this frought with chastisement.

We get to thinking that true nobility or righteousness involves some sort of struggling and wrestling. And a lot of the time it does. But we have the choice of whom we'll hear that truth from. Life is far too hard and precious to spend it wrestling with people, who, from what I've seen proved, seem to not want to care about us beyond our circumstance.

So I've actually let go of quite a lot of the hurt. And I'm glad I've felt it. I'm hoping to go and sit in the back of our church in the next few weeks and see if I still feel anything close to comfortable. Because like it or not, you've gotta be able to be true and vulnerable to see a semblance of God.