happy day

so to cope with the issues of late, I'm enjoying:

-wine
-the fact that a 4-state tour with family is ahead of me
-iTUNES!!!! they're back on my computer after a 1.5 year hiatus. first purchases: John Legend's Evolver and Amos Lee's new stuff.

gobble gobble with a groove, y'all.

The church

I've stolen away some time this evening to be by myself and reflect on a situation that's yielding some tough questioning, doubt and hurt.

Mr. Man and I find ourselves at odds with our church over our living situation and whether that will limit our ability to serve as members in volunteer positions. Of course it's much murkier than that, but that's the jist.

To start - I'm going to try really hard not to bag on the people, though we disagree. It's been a beautiful place and this hiccup is just making me a little confused. Though they've been better than other churches we've encountered, that we were approached at all is causing us to reassess. After my 3 years there (and his 7+), do we feel like it's still our home?

The point that is puzzling my puzzler tonight is about how much authority the church should be granted. Most of you know that I'm inclined to ceede very little, thank you very much, to people I don't personally choose. But is this reality? Is my membership in any large organization part and parcel with some sort of "right" to tell me what's what? This gets even murkier when the Bible gets involved and all sorts of scripture about pastoral authority gets bandied about.

I'm proud of us for sticking in the muck and sorting through it without just huffing off mad. Stuff that stings this much and feels invasive has the tendency to grow and change us - though the process can be awful. It's my hope that God will keep doing what He's always done and lead me into something that is relevant and speaks to my life now. He's been all about moving me forward and healing me, and no frustration or hurt from other people will dispell that truth.

So to be clear - I'm not having a crisis of doubt about Him. It's about how I learn and follow Him.

One thing I'm tossing out there - and will honestly welcome the dialogue about - is the role of leadership or servants in a church and what standards can be expected of them. I'm of the opinion that unless you are exhibiting destructive behavior that affects others, there's really nothing that should stop you from being a full member. Maybe this belief will lead me towards another community of more open-minded believers (I've been looking at the United Church of Christ), or maybe it will lead me to the conclusion that church can be seperate from your own community (and mine is FULL of open-minded believers).

So that's the rub this fine Sunday night. I've gone from being pissed to humble, back to pissed and am settling on something close to adult reflection. More to come...

My heart melts with gratitude

My favorite women gathered in my home tonight for a beautiful feast.

My favorite man came home early to make a turkey for us.

We had such a wonderful time laughing and making connections.

The food was lovingly prepared and wonderful.

Craig held Jonah as he fell asleep.

I laughed and looked around my home as it was filled to the brim with love.

There is nothing wrong in my world. I am so lucky and blessed.

Yes we can

...elect a president who rewrites history
...again become a nation that strives to succeed and fail TOGETHER
...overcome the divisiveness that has ruled Washington and bled into our towns
...vow to remain committed to our local communities and ride this wave to local changes
...pledge to hold our MO election board accountable for HORRENDOUS voting conditions
...swim around in this moment and take a breath knowing that we've been heard
...hold Obama to his word with our communications to a man that will listen
...see this nation as a hospitable world neighbor again
...know that this is the day the Lord has made
...walk taller and prouder
...start searching for a woman to break history in my lifetime