On Skittles, Mathematics and Lent

40 feels like a good number. It’s nice and even. It’s easy to divide into segments…2’s, 4’s, 5’s.

I may sound like a mathematician, but my brain has an interesting relationship with numbers. I like breaking them apart and adding them up.

Once upon a time, as a kid, I’d lie in bed at night scrutinizing the electric red numbers on my PJ Jammer alarm clock. At 9:35 I’d wait for the minute to change to the neat little numerical addition of 9:36. (9 = 3 + 6 and all.) All the fun got repeated at 9:45 and 9:54, if I was awake.

When I eat Skittles, I grab a handful and arrange them in a pyramid based on how many of each color I have. 1 red at the top, 2 orange below, 3 purples on the bottom. If my shape is off, I eat the excess candies in color order first to complete the figure. (This is problematic in movie theatres and other dark spaces.)

When I run, numbers constantly swirl through my head. I divide the progress in my head: ¼ done. .3 miles until the next marker. 5 minutes left.

My brain just loves it when things are able to be broken down into numbers. Something about it makes sense and soothes me…like all is right with the world.

Dear readers, all this numerical neuroses today is not for nothing. It is to say: I’ve been practicing my whole life for Lent.

See, Lent is this beautiful season in our faith that chunks life up nicely. 40 days to see how things add up. 40 days to get rid of the extra pieces around the shape of my life. 40 days to gauge my progress.

While today is the start of the “official” church process, I’m impatient, so God and I talked this out last month and agreed on an early start.

Following my birthday, life got to be too gray and murky for my comfort. I found myself needing to escape and find clarity, to be with nature and my thoughts. You’ve seen some of the evidence here in my photographs and intentional celebrations with friends. These were efforts to slow down and see God.

Those uncomfortable feelings in January have led me to a beautiful place of intentional solitude - a place where I am learning new things about God and myself and interceding for my friends. It is a place in my heart that God is winnowing out where I am present and there is space in abundance.

So here I am - smack dab in the middle of a 40 day reflection just a little ahead of schedule, and you know what? It feels soothing. I’m glad I started early. I feel like I see colors more clearly. I’m even more honest with my friends. I’m experiencing community with greater intensity.

Today is Day 29 and so far, I’m seeing the Skittles line up. (You knew I’d get back to this.)

See, ever since I can remember, I haven't really liked yellow or green candies. It’s a quirk that hasn’t died in mature adulthood. So when I started thinking about patterns and numbers today, it struck me that I’ve spent the last 28 days proverbially tossing out the yellows and greens.

I’m making sense of the good colors and seeing the shape that they take. And only time will tell whether I’m crafting a pyramid or a circle.