sehemu ya pili

the second part in Kiswahili

Cell phones, Blackberrys, CNN Headline News, Visa...we are brought up in a world that is INSTANT. What's the LATEST news? The LATEST CD? I want things now, now, now. My mind spins as it searches out things to consume. I can always figure out a way to pay for something now or pay for it later.

When I decided to go to Kenya, I realized that God doesn't work on our timetable. From November until May, I was constantly saving my money and being fed generously through other people's financial belief in me, yet I didn't see how this trip would happen. I didn't believe it would be possible to raise enough money to go, but God kept telling me it would happen. I think more accurately, I didn't believe it would happen because I didn't have $3,500 in my hand when I decided to go.

How incredibly faithless of me.

However, the coolest part about my God not being an IMMEDIATE God is that He designed faithlessness to lead to...

prayer which leads to faith. When you want something desperately, for a long time, you can't just pray 2 or 3 times about it. I've never even been that great at praying, but I learned how to pray consistently for something, and it's becoming a habit.

vulnerability which leads to faith. Not only did I have to admit that was afraid, I had to ask for help - financially, spiritually, and emotionally. My friends saw the rawest Ally there is, and they didn't run. The fact that they saw the true me and loved it shows their true friendship and God's faithful and loving hand.

perspective which leads to faith. I had to choose to change my life for this trip. Since it didn't happen overnight, I had to fight some lengthy battles with people who are concerned for my safety, and I had to articulate why I was reordering my life to see Kenya. Why would I, a spoiled, privileged and hardly challenged white girl make a choice to walk into discomfort? When I saw little bits of truth about the world, I couldn't turn back. That new perspective wasn't the comfortable world I knew but it's made me a part of God's plan, and infused my life with faith.

I'll revisit more of my journal entries soon, but the second part of my thanksgiving for this journey to Kenya is that I'm glad that God isn't on my timetable.

The lessons I've learned, obstacles I've overcome and gifts I've been blessed with made this the first gratification of my life that I'm happy was delayed.

One of my favorite passages is Jeremiah 29: 10-14. I read the Message translation and I love it.

"This is God's Word on the subject:
'As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before,
I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.
I know what I'm doing.
I have it all planned out—
plans to take care of you,
not abandon you,
plans to give you the future you hope for.

When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.
When you come looking for me, you'll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me
and want it more than anything else,
I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

I'm thankful that I don't know what's best for me. My plans are quickly diverted, quickly underappreciated. When I think I do have a plan, I royally mess it up, but God knows how to make things fit together.

So this last year and the woman I've become shows that God is right, he does have a more perfect plan and timing than I understand.

And also, that Frederick Douglass was right - without struggle, there is no progress.