Silence

The Wednesday morning sky is overcast. The gray horizon bleeds down, casting a murky pigment onto the grass. Everything is forlorn - even the birds languidly perched in the trees mirror this melancholy morning.

Precariously balancing a bagel halfway inside my mouth, I shift my coffee to my left hand, fumbling in this cavernous black bag for my ever-elusive keys. Aha! Success!

I'm looking forward to a new iPod playlist to help me through the dreary commute. This morning melancholy must be balanced with appropriate music. Emo-rock is out, I think as I spin the wheel, brain searching for something sunny, yet not overbearing when my mood is so delicate.

Ah....Anthony Hamilton. (Smooth R&B always rights a stormy disposition, without beating you over the head with it.) I press play.

Wait. It should be playing. Wait. Why aren't you playing? My mind races.

Not my iPod. Seriously, anything but that. Like a lab monkey, I'm pressing every button on the iPod. It should be working fine.

I staredown my car radio - and nothing is lit up. No radio. No tape. No CD. No power light. Nothing.

Cue the storm cloud over my car.

I'm not comfortable with unrequested silences. I'm pretty sure God knows that, and I'm almost positive that he's behind this little inconvenience of my radio dying.

I adore music, and barely walk around the block without my earbuds in. The thing is, I realize in its absence that I use it to calm myself down throughout the day. I guess God would rather have me tuned in to his melodies.

So, the last three days, I've done everything to create noise in the car. I've gotten on my cell phone during peak hours. I roll down a window to hear the noises of the world. My brain rushes with a flood of thoughts to fill the space. But before I get wherever I'm going, I get really pissed off, and end up talking to God.

The result - these drivetime prayers are yielding some of the most revelatory and real expressions of my faith. I feel more connected than I do in my off time.

I'm looking forward to car rides now. Uncomfortable as they are, they allow me to give praise and my soul stirs. I get perspective and my days are brightened.

I haven't been trusting God nearly enough lately, and I've been filling my free time with noisy crap instead of Him. So, He took my music away in a place where I'd have to be captive.

Sneaky, sneaky, God.

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Selah

Psalm 46:10-11