a prosapia institutio

A little Latin seemed appropriate. Translation: A family's tradition

As a child, I learned about faith, religion, devoutness and who God was from the Catholic church. I was baptised, reconciled and confirmed into their ancient, mystical, tradition-drenched beliefs.

I learned from the best. My Grandpa Donaldson was a good Irish Catholic...and he was damn proud of it. He went to mass every day in his last years, gave EXTRAVAGANTLY to the church and others, and that man knew the Lord.

Robert Donaldson was the kind of man who you KNEW was praying for you when he told you so in casually passing. He kept a small journal with prayer requests and went through it diligently. He believed in prayer and its power. The beauty and bounty of his life confirmed that he got what he prayed for...or that he knew the things what to pray about and didn't bother with the rest.

When he died in 2001, I remember vividly the people who's lives he'd touched being devastated...mine included. His impact on our lives was like a tattoo that we wore around. The funeral was packed, and it was one of the saddest days of my life. When you lose someone who loves God so much, its like the divine leaves your presence. It's a sad ache that touches through to your soul. I loved him deeply, and his calm, constant faith held our family together. Sometimes it feels like the threads have been fraying a little bit ever since.

Even before he died, I struggled with my own differences with the Catholic church. Dogma aside, I've simply realized that most elements of Catholic worship and spiritual nurturing weren't letting me grow as a Christian. So, for the last few years I've attended mostly non-denominational community churches like Heartland and Jacob's Well.

Even though I spend the better part of my public worship with the Lord in non-Catholic churches, I still miss the Catholic respect for tradition and a deep, abiding faith that is generally worked out in mass prayer and routine.

One of my favorite things about attending Jacob's Well is that the lead pastor, Tim Keel, really tries to merge aspects of mysticism and worship from different faith traditions. We celebrate communion every week and he begins with the retelling of the last supper - two things central to the Catholic mass. I feel like I'm at home. (If only we'd say the apostles creed...) This style of routine satisfies my need for tradition, and I feel secure, more connected with my family.

During Lent, I usually try to make it back to Mass to celebrate the beauty of this time of the year, and repent in a way that makes me feel like I've purged my guilt and left my sin at the altar, able to walk thorough the church's entrance washed clean.

Tonight I'll be celebrating my first Ash Wednesday outside of the Catholic church, at Jacob's Well. I'm excited to see what insight Tim will offer, and which pieces of the Catholic Mass he'll pick up. I respect his desire to merge these traditions, and I think I'll feel comforted.

I think my Grandpa would be proud. He always loved Lent (as a good Catholic would) and as I receive my ashes tonight and try to let God make his way into my heart even more, I hope to feel him smiling down on me.