Better

“I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
(don't) know where I'm goin' but I know what to do.
I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude.”

***********

Today I really wanted to piece together something coherent and profound, but that’s not in the cards. I’m just too damn happy to do it.

I mean, seriously. The week started off FANTASTIC, the elections blew my mind, I just had Jimmy Johns for lunch, it’s 75 degrees outside and I get to go run in a few hours. God – you’re showing off for sure.

Yesterday a friend sort of recognized that life’s been throwing me curveballs lately, and threw up a flare to show me I wasn’t alone. (Thanks, by the way.)

I hadn’t realized I was sinking a little bit. After getting called out, I can see that the tone here (and with some of you) has been a little heavy as of late. I just didn’t really get that until I sat outside at Broadway Café yesterday afternoon to enjoy an iced tea.

I was swimming around in the loveliness of the afternoon and gushing about it into my journal. Appropriately spent, I casually flipped back to re-read an old entry. I ended up revisiting the past two month’s thoughts. I got to thinking that life has been pretty rough lately.

As I flipped through the pages, I really didn’t like what I saw. It seems I’ve been preoccupied with what I DON’T have. I have been behaving like a 25-year-old infant.

Well, that simply won’t do. The balance of my past must be righted.

So, I started writing down what I DO have. And, dear reader, this list goes beyond cheddar cheese and iPods and red wine and all the other stuff that I adore.

- In the last few months broken relationships were reconciled.
- Wounds are healed.
- God has inspired new creative outlets in my life.
- I’ve learned about real resiliency the only way you can – by getting back up.

So all this is to say I know I haven’t been the usual Ally for awhile. I do know that.

My impulse has been to try and get back to her, but I’m done with that. I’m not going to try and be who I used to be. Because life throws things at you, and when it’s over, you aren’t who you were before. If you’re smart and you learn and tussle it out with God, it ends up better.

So…better. That I can deal with.

And I’ve decided that I like this new girl. She’s got moxie. She’s full of hope. She’s ready…for whatever is coming next.