time traveling

There was a fantastic woman in my sorority named Rebecca. She was (what I thought to be) a pretty charismatic Christian, and most of the time she wigged me out. She talked extremely openly about God, spiritual gifts, speaking in tongues and the like.

At the time, I was living a pretty wild life - one that had very, very little to do with God. As such, she was the sort of girl who I didn't know how to take in because it would mean dealing with my own neuroses.

(She did inspire me to see God in a different context when I desperately needed it, but that's a story for another day.)

Differences aside, the thing I remember most about Rebecca is that she used to pray all the time. She once laid hands on my mother (who was raised very Catholic) after she fell down the stairs. This memory still creeps my Mom out to this day.

Beyond healing and discernment, I remember that she prayed for EVERY little thing. Parking spaces, a streetlight to change, the right words to say at a particular moment…you know, really huge stuff.

At the time, I thought it was pretty jacked up that she thought God was like a genie, and I called her out on it. The Catholic in me thought that you were “supposed to” use prayer for only the most pressing needs. Small stuff must inconvenience God. She said that she felt like God wanted to bless her and give her good things. She wanted Him involved in the littlest of details.

This last weekend, I ran across this verse and it made me think of her prayers for the small things:

"Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
- Psalm 37:4

During my 4th of July sabbatical, I thought a lot about the desires of my heart. I took them apart and poked and prodded them for awhile. I needed to clean out the cobwebs, polish the good things, and throw away the bad.

As I examined them, I found that I was able to rest in the stark differences of my yearnings over the last few years. Five years ago, when I remember these moments with Becca, some of my heart's wishes were decidedly futile. Most were vastly opposite from today.

But some aches were very much the same then as they are now.

As I mulled this over, the verse took greater root in my heart and I caught something I've missed. The key to this verse (and to keeping God from being genie-like) is in the first part - "delight yourself in the LORD."

Until about two years ago, I no idea what delighting IN God meant. I knew a lot about delight FROM God, but just being happy IN Him? I knew nothing about that.

It's clear to me that Becca got that part of the verse. Her whole life (even the parts that were odd to me) just plain delighted in the Lord. Her connection was so strong that she knew he'd take care of the small desires as well as the big ones.

The woman I'm becoming is getting what it means to delight. This means something different to each person. To Becca, a parking spot was delightful. To me, cheese, music and good coffee is delightful.

I even throw up my own prayers when my iPod breaks. I guess it's not all that different from a parking spot.

Today's Soundtrack: Traveling Miles - Cassandra Wilson - Traveling Miles
Book recommendation: The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenerger